ON REPEAT: Massive Attack

"TAKE IT THERE" - 2016

I often yearn for the moment I first heard Massive Attack. 

I wish I could take myself there.

lovely framing // unheimlich

Possession (1981; Andrzej Zulawski)

I've seen this film probably more times than I can count but I never paid much attention to this shot in particular. The air of oppression Zulawski embeds in the home (a symbol of holy comfort for many) is probably the most terrifying aspect of the film. Even the toy soldiers seem like legitimate threats.

definitely not a jabroni

"When the hero or the villain of the drama, the man who was seen a few minutes earlier possessed by moral rage, magnified into a sort of metaphysical sign, leaves the wrestling hall, impassive, anonymous, carrying a small suitcase and arm-in-arm with his wife, no one can doubt that wrestling holds the power of transmutation which is common to the Spectacle and to Religious Worship. In the ring, and even in the depths of their voluntary ignomity, wrestlers remain gods because they are, for a few moments, the key which opens Nature, the pure gesture which separates Good from Evil, and unveils the form of a Justice which is at last intelligible." - Roland Barthes, The World of Wrestling 

There's a reason why Roland Barthes' essay on wrestling is found in his aptly titled collection, Mythologies. Is a myth not the very definition of a "spectacle of excess"? Gods, monsters and a slew of otherworldly beings thrive in the realm of myths.

A wrestler's conveyed personality (with all its manifestations and exaggerated gestures, either through physical appearance or catchphrases) determines his or her power in the ring. When the aforementioned attributes fail to mesh coherently, the audience conveys confusion (or worse: complete apathy.) And without an audience, the wrestler (man or woman) is, as the Iron Sheikh famously proclaimed, a Jabroni. There are no Jabronis in Olympus.

I was a big fan of wrestling growing up due to its absurd dramatics and characters (to me, they weren't even people...they were always 'characters.') Personalities like Mick Foley (who had a planned appearance at a Shark Convention in Tampa last year but failed to show up, much to my disappointment) kept the imagination of my messed-up kindergarten brain alive.

Here is Mankind (AKA Foley) experiencing a tumble from Mount Olympus:

there are no blueprints

For a few summers in high school, I worked in a research lab similar to Raul Cuero's. I was never interested in the complexities behind medical science and the like, so I only remember a few key details, like how cancerous cell samples from Labradors helped fuel an overwhelming majority of our research. Back then, I found the entire setup peculiar. But at my age now, coupled with the insight provided in Cuero's interview, I understand that the decision to use samples from dogs (our beloved pets!) is quite ingenious. And it's also better than the alternative: testing on live rats.

Cuero gave the impression of being a remarkably talented and sensitive man, possessing the rare combination of emotional and logical intelligence. One of my favourite parts of his interview involved his thoughts on having a "universal consciousness." I've felt discrimination like he has, albeit the prejudice I faced is somewhat different and shouldn't be compared side by side (in short: I'm Iranian, a woman and often butt heads with the ideals prescribed by my parents and culture.) I've battled these prejudices and judgements constantly, and for a bulk of my life I resorted to pathetic defeat. A life stuck in the in-between is not pretty.

I realised recently (one to two years ago) that surpressing my creativity and artistic goals in favour of classical conventions of success does nothing for me. It only caused more harm. I constantly felt like I was in a fugue state, and it made me feel alien to myself, not only to other people. 

Like Cuero, I see creativity as a tool that can be used to bypass social rules and limitations. 'Transcendence' is the key word here. Creativity is based upon innovation and the Unknown (quoted verbatim from the interview.) The shock of what isn't expected jolts ourselves from this fugue state that I spoke of, and quite frankly, shuts naysayers up. It levels all playing fields.

And an example of creativity without a consciousness: 

hello world

I don't know whether I have a death anxiety or a genuine fear of growing old. There's a difference between both, of course. What I do know: the thought of owning brittle bones and a scrap body like Emanuelle Riva in Haneke's Amour and having my semi-nonfunctional partner scoop wet food into my mouth until my end days terrifies me. 

I have a general theory as to why I've always been enamored with the relationship between art and technology: The combination represents ever-present youth. There's so much room for play, and with this loving marriage I've been able to express my alien rugrat self perfectly.

I probably expect more from this class because I'm older and already have a BA in something not as hands-on as I would have liked and have a few itchy regrets. But I'm (very) happy to be enrolled...and to have fun with two subjects I love very much.

Regrets! That makes you old.